Yesterday, the World Lost a Wonderful Person….

No I’m not talking about Michael Jackson, Farah Faucet or even Ed McMahon.

Not to short change the contribution that these individuals made to the world at all, they were iconic individuals but the person I’m referring to was much more iconic, in my world. The person I am referring to is my Father-in-Law Tom or “Grampy” as my kids called him. Out of respect I’ll refer to him as “Grampy” for the rest of this post.

I’d like to tell you about “Grampy” and how this individual affected my world.

I first met Grampy around the age of 7 or 8 years old. He was a city Police man who rode a horse on patrol. I was a spoiled kid, a real smart ass you might say. There were a bunch of us actually that would hang out in the neighborhood. Grampy lived across the street from my Aunt and Uncles house where I spent 90% of my childhood. I was an only Child and from a very close family. My Mother had 13 siblings and extended siblings that lived in the same house when she was growing up so during my childhood we were all close but the Aunt and Uncle I am referring to here had 4 Boy’s and they lived close by so I hung out at their house pretty much my whole childhood. As a kid I remember Grampy coming home from work in his Police uniform and his riding boots. He was a huge man in size, very tall and broad. He would always give us a hard time about something. Maybe we took too long getting out of his way when he drove down the street or played kickball too close to his car. It always seemed like he was coming down on us. Now of course we didn’t deserve this sort of treatment. ;D So one year on Halloween we decided to soap the windows of his car and I (yes me) threw and egg at his car which of course cracked and laid on the paint overnight. The next day when he saw his car he went nuts and my co-conspirators of course rolled me under the bus. Grampy called my Father (who for the record has only yelled at me 2 times in my life, this being time #1) and he punished me for I think about 3 years or so. (I won’t go into details about that) but I embarrassed my Father and I learned a valuable lesson.

So let me fast forward….

Grampy had a beautiful daughter who I eventually dated for about 3 years in my teens (My first Love) and after a 6 or 7-year separation I ran into her, we became friends again dated and married. Together we had 2 beautiful children. (Boy’s)

I was fortunate enough to have 2 sets the best loving Grandparents for my children. Both of my parents are still alive, they are like “The Fockers” in “Meet the Fockers” or sometimes like George Castanza’s (from Seinfeld) parents. Either way it’s always a hoot spending time with my parents and I am blessed to still have them in my life. This story is not about them though it’s about Grampy.

I was one of those rare people who actually liked their in-laws. My mother-in law (Theresa) was a Saint. She never raised her voice and was the kindest, giving person I have ever met. She adored my boys and was taken from us way too soon. She passed on November 13^th 1994 and has been missed and thought of every day since then. My Boys were only 2 and 4 years old. When Theresa passed “Grampy” spent more time with us. Over the years, Gramps and I became closer, we would Golf and Fish together and do different things. He would always be there to help if we needed him. There were times when we would butt heads and said things we would regret or at least I know I did but I think that makes us normal to a point.

What made Grampy so special to me is the investment of time he made with my Boys. I was off making my mark on the world and supporting my family Grampy was raising and teaching my boys things about life. He would tell me, “Vic you’ve got to keep them busy”. Get them out into nature and teach them the ways of the land and life. (Gramps was an outdoorsman, he grew up in the Mountains of Pennsylvania.) I remember thinking I’m working 6 days a week 12 to 13 hours a day. When in the hell am I going to do that? Grampy taught my Boys how to fish and hunt. He taught them the things I didn’t know which in turn they taught me. Since my older son was 10 he has baited my hook, took the fish off the hook, cleaned and cooked the fish. Both of my Boys have a love of the outdoors and nature and I give Grampy 100% credit for that.

After being married for 15 years I realized that I was not happy in my marriage. On the outside I had everything. A beautiful family a beautiful home, a house at the beach and a job that paid very well only I was never around, I worked all the time. I was unhappy, crabby you name it. I had become someone I didn’t know or even like. In 2002 my marriage ended. I swore to my wife at that time that I would always be there for her and my boys. In fact I wanted 50% custody of my boys. I made it clear to them that I loved them and wanted them with me all of the time. I NEVER spoke badly of their Mother and always defended her and took blame for the divorce. I needed to go back to my roots, rediscover myself and live a life where I would be in control of my happiness and do what I wanted to do in life.

Needless to say that in the beginning the separation and divorce drew a lot of lines in the sand. It was a very emotional and messy divorce. Things were said and assumptions were made about me, I pretty much lost all of the people in my life that I thought were friends but I knew that in the long run I would come out living a more productive happier life. Selfish, maybe but let’s face it. When you are not happy it’s easy to make everyone around you miserable too and that is what I did. Throughout the whole divorce and over the last 6 years Grampy wanted nothing to do with me. Yeah he was cordial around my boys but they could even feel the tension. I always wanted things to be the same and Grampy was a devoted and loyal Father. I’m sure he felt as though if he was nice or still cared about me it would upset his daughter and I respected that. Besides, he was still an awesome grandfather to my boys and very involved in their lives. I have said many times and this in no way is meant to be disrespectful to my own parents that Grampy is the best grandparent a kid could ever ask for. He was not only a teacher, mentor and a grandparent, he was their friend. Any parent that loves their children would not only appreciate that kind of relationship they would welcome it.

Over the last 7 years my relationship with my Ex-Wife has been at best Ok. We have not always seen eye-to-eye on things and for the most part we have been successful at keeping a united front in raising our boy’s. Would I like to be friends again? Sure, I’ve known her since I was 8 years old and no matter what happened or what was said she is the mother of my children. I’ve always loved her, our marriage just didn’t work out.

Toward the end of last summer (08) some things started to change. Grampy called me one day and asked me to look at a boat with him that he was considering buying. I of course agreed and we both along with my younger Son went to look at the boat. He was so excited about this boat. He must have said 20 times over that weekend that he had always wanted a boat like this. Not being around him on a regular basis I could see he was not himself. He seemed slower and weaker, not the tough man I remembered. He bought that boat and for the next month or so into October he got to sail on it. He never wanted to drive the boat he would make my Son. I would trailer it to the ramp and get it into the water and my younger son would take him out. They would cruise up, down and around the river. Grampy was in heaven on that boat. From the time he set foot on the boat till the time he got off, he was smiling. At one point my son asked me, “Why are you being so nice to Grampy?” I reminded him that I loved Grampy and he is his grandfather and the best grandfather a parent could ever ask for. I reminded my son that I would always be there to help Grampy if he ever needed me. I reminded him that no matter what, we would always be a family and that is what you are supposed to do.

Grampy went into the hospital in October for a minor surgery that led to complications. He ended up staying in the hospital through Thanksgiving. Over the next 7 months Grampy’s health progressively got worse. In March he had to move in with his daughter (My Ex). She was concerned about our Boys watching their grandfather die in their home. I told her that I’d help in anyway and I’d keep reminding the boys that Grampy should be home where he is loved. I also told both of them that if Mom were to ever call and need our help that no matter what, we would leave or drop whatever we were doing and be there. I would visit Grampy as often as possible and we would talk about life, the boys and the boat. Over the last few months our conversation would get deeper and deeper. He knew his time was drawing near although me being the eternal optimist would always say, be quiet, get up off your ass and let’s go. I’d tell him, I’ll carry you, don’t worry about walking. He would smile and say yeah, I wish…

About two weeks ago Grampy got up in the middle of the night, tripped and fell breaking his shoulder. With his condition the way it was they couldn’t do anything. When he returned home his bedroom was now in the living room on the first floor. My Son and I ran cable in and set up his TV. Then we had to move him from the sofa to the hospital bed. Over the next few weeks I stopped up a few times to see him. My boy’s would tell me stories of how they all would sleep downstairs because Grampy would still try to get up in the middle of the night. On Monday June 22 about 11:30 pm my Ex called and told me to wake my son and come to her house. She said that Grampy is bad and we need to come now. That night we were all there. We told Grampy that we loved him and thanked him for everything he had done for us. The next morning he seemed to slightly improve and then all of a sudden he got worse. We called for a priest to give Grampy his last rights. When the priest arrived we were all around the bed. Grampy opened his eyes and looked at the priest with these wide open eyes. It was kind of strange but if Grampy’s eyes could have spoken they were screaming, What The F%#* are doing here? That day he seemed to stabilize so I returned to my home exhausted after only sleeping maybe 2 hours. I returned back to the house Wednesday afternoon and the boys looked wiped out. They had all slept on the sofas again and were up pretty much all night. The boy’s asked if I were staying overnight and I told them I would. I told them to go up to their beds and sleep and I would stay and help Mom with Grampy. This whole night we were up with Grampy. I think I got about 45 minutes total sleep. This is what My-Ex and my boys have been doing for the last 4 months or so. I don’t know how she’s been doing it? The morning was rough and I didn’t want to leave the house. The family dog was very protective of Grampy’s living space. She would inspect everyone and then go to the corner of the room and sit for a few minutes, watch and go to the next corner. She did this in all 4 corners and start over. My son and I had been sitting in with Grampy for about 45 minutes watching him. His eyes were wide open and he was staring at something neither of us could see. His eyes never blinked once during that 45 minutes. I could feel the end was near. I leaned up on 2 different occasions and kissed his forehead and told him it was Ok We’re going to be fine and I’ll take care of everyone. About 1pm yesterday June 25^th an old friend of the family came to the house and a few minutes later My-Ex returned from the store. We all sat around the bed and watched as Grampy took his last breath. He had waited for all of us to be together.

This was an experience that I will never forget. I have never witnessed another person die before let alone someone who had made such a profound impact on my life and the life of my boys.

Needless to say I have a new found respect for My-Ex and I am proud of her for being such a strong person and devoted daughter. What she has endured over the last 10 months is unbelievable. I hope that out of this her anger towards me subsides and she finds happiness. It is beyond any words I could think of to express how proud I am of my boys. They stood by a man who adored them and provided them with the kind of life education that I could never have given them, and they never left his side.

I will truly Miss Grampy, my heart hurts for my Boys and their Mother. Grampy was not the “King of pop, a super model/actor nor was he the co-host of TV Show. Those people couldn’t hold a candle to Grampy. To me Grampy was much more than that, he was my Dad, my friend. He was my boy’s grandfather and best friend and he was the best Father a daughter could ever ask for.

Thank You Grampy, you are loved and will be missed.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Just a reminder, Life is a not a round trip ticket. Time is the only thing we can’t get back and doesn’t change in this world. There will always be 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week and 8736 hours in a year.

It’s never too late to make a change in your life. You don’t have to go through a major change like I did. Small changes can lead to big results. Remember there are no mistakes in life just lessons and it’s never too late to learn, forgive and make amends.

Make the most of everyday and tell the people in your life that you love them.

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